What I'm thankful for this week...

Finishing April!

24th: I am thankful for all the richness in my life

25th: I am thankful for spending time with old friends

26th:  I am thankful for my health

27th: I am so thankful for my laptop and the internet.  I love them both!

28th: I am truly thankful for this glorious weather we've been having

29th: I am thankful to have this time housebound with the children

30th:  I am thankful this chicken pox nightmare is over!

And starting May:

1st: My eldest was well enough for nursery today - hooray!

It feels good to be thankful.  But it might not be interesting to read!

100 days of being grateful

I'm a bad journal keeper.  I get excited for about 3 days and then I just forget.  So keeping the ever popular gratitude journal is a challenge for me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, I just forget to declare it.

So, inspired a young Brit who is doing a good deed every day, I am going to review my life each day and pick something I am thankful for.  And if it's a blog I can't forget can I?

So, today, 23rd April 2014, I am grateful for my spirited, stubborn, superman pyjama wearing son.  I love that he has character and a mind of his own.  Thank you.

There'll be more I promise!

Star-Crossed

Normally this kind of show would suck me in; check out the books I write and then add in my thirty-something age and you get the picture.  I should know better but I don't like better.

I watched first episode on Sky1 in the UK and my eyes ACTUALLY ROLLED.  Like people do on TV.  It was an involuntary movement when the girl trips lamely in an attempt to flee men with guns and the alien she's fallen for goes to rescue her even though it puts his life at risk.  And it was a really rubbish stumble.

Still, I thought, let's give it one more try. 

Oh dear.

I got to the lines;

Her: I'm so sorry!
Him: For what?  Because my father's dead or because your father shot him?
Her: Because you're in pain!

Please.

I don't mind cliché.  Some stories are worth telling over and over in different ways but this dialogue is too painful for me to endure.

I am sure the subterranean subtext about racial equality/divide/harmony will change the world but at least it is one less show to clog up my Sky + box.

How to not be a neurotic parent (or at least try)

Just wanted to share this blog post by a young mother called Stephanie Metz.  It speaks for itself but really resonated with me as a mother in the 21st century.

On the one hand, if I could, I wouldn't let my children experience disappointment, heartbreak, embarrassment, feeling left out, hurt, sad or any of the other feelings that break my heart to witness.  But if I protected them from all that, what kind of men would they turn out to be?  Exactly.

I am definitely not a helicopter parent.  Who has the time or energy? Or interest in hours and hours of toddler level play.  I have a house to keep in some kind of order, I need to make sure we eat and have clean clothes.

I was a bit quick to rush in at the first sign of struggle when my first was a baby but I've coached myself to back off, to allow him to work things out for himself and talk him through it if he needs it.

A frequent refrain in our house is 'do you want help?'

I always ask, never jump in (unless sense tells me otherwise) and sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it is an emphatic NO!

He is determined to do things for himself, even if there I times when it would be quicker to do it for him.
That's how he will learn about life.  How to problem solve.

I want to fix everything for him, to make him feel better.  And I avoid doing that entirely with food when my brain is in gear because that causes a whole host of other problems!

Recently I had my first taste of slightly older children not playing nicely with him.  I hugged him and let him cry and then he went back to playing on his own.  Later, I had to watch as he played again with the others, knowing they were teasing a little although he was oblivious.  And I wanted to roar like a lioness and whisk my three year old away.

But I didn't because it wasn't rational.  And it was part of my own journey in letting go, letting my children fall and picking them back up again.  If they want the help.

If we don't let our children experience real life with the safety of our arms to run to, then they won't learn to deal with their emotions and experiences in a healthy way.
I don't want them to expect me to call their boss when their work is corrected or be incapable of standing up  to injustice because they've always had me to do it for them.

I don't want them finding UNHEALTHY ways of dealing with emotional pain because they've never had to: either because I make them stuff it down or because I've fixed a problem before it gets near them.
But my oldest is three and I haven't faced even 1% of what's coming so all I can do is remind myself of my own philosophy and Stephanie's blog post and brace myself for what's to come!

What is the Difference Between Risk and Adventure?

I probably hit my mid-life crisis when I was 35.  A bit on the youg side I think but it was only when I had taken action to alleviate the panic that I realised what it was.
What you have understand is that up until then I had played life safe.  I lived by the "rules," despite appearances to the contrary I cared too much about what other people thought and worst of all, I waited for life to happen.
When I hit 35 and none of my major dreams had materialised my mortality hit me across the face and said, "What are you waiting for?"
And I had no answer.  
I had prayed, cleared Chakra's, did visualisations, vision boards, you name it.  And nothing.
It was when my "crisis" hit that I began to do one thing I think the universe requires of us.  TAKE ACTION.
It was when I started to make phone calls, appointments, put pen to paper, that the Universe took equal action.  Projects got completed, results were positive and changes were made.
Does that mean I never needed the Universe in the first place?  No.  The changes that came about relied on other people, circumstances and nature - none of which I could influence on my own.
But why hadn't I done anything before?  Despite the tears, the anguish, the hope, the positivity, why was I always waiting?
It got me thinking recently about how I used to perceive some of my dreams as a risk.  Now I think of them as an adventure.  The difference is subtle but largely a state of mind.  And as we are all learning, state of mind affects the outcome of everything we do.
The only real risk is not doing anything at all.  Nothing will change, nothing can come to you, nothing will move.  Is that the reality you are dreaming of?
When I got tired of waiting for life to happen to me, I decided to go and get it.  I figured the Universe would meet me somewhere in the middle.  I'm not talking about putting it all on red or black.  That's not living your life and heading towards a dream.  That's throwing it away and absolving yourself of responsibility.
If I could go back and talk to my younger self I would tell her to stop thinking and start doing.  For a long time I mistook "letting go" for "doing nothing".  I can only imagine what I could have achieved if I had figured this out years ago.
If I could give young people a gift that keeps on giving it would be aspiration supported by intention.  Aspiration coupled with Intention will send you on the most amazing life adventure.  
If you are reading this and recognise yourself as someone who is sitting at the Universal Bus Stop, get up and walk.  Who knows what (or who) might come your way? 
What is the one thing you would tell your younger self, or the message you want to express to young people reading this?

Best wishes, Anna

Anna Andrews has written The East Lake Series for YA ebook readers, which starts with Heaven High.   Available on Amazon and  most major ebook retailers.