How to not be a neurotic parent (or at least try)

Just wanted to share this blog post by a young mother called Stephanie Metz.  It speaks for itself but really resonated with me as a mother in the 21st century.

On the one hand, if I could, I wouldn't let my children experience disappointment, heartbreak, embarrassment, feeling left out, hurt, sad or any of the other feelings that break my heart to witness.  But if I protected them from all that, what kind of men would they turn out to be?  Exactly.

I am definitely not a helicopter parent.  Who has the time or energy? Or interest in hours and hours of toddler level play.  I have a house to keep in some kind of order, I need to make sure we eat and have clean clothes.

I was a bit quick to rush in at the first sign of struggle when my first was a baby but I've coached myself to back off, to allow him to work things out for himself and talk him through it if he needs it.

A frequent refrain in our house is 'do you want help?'

I always ask, never jump in (unless sense tells me otherwise) and sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it is an emphatic NO!

He is determined to do things for himself, even if there I times when it would be quicker to do it for him.
That's how he will learn about life.  How to problem solve.

I want to fix everything for him, to make him feel better.  And I avoid doing that entirely with food when my brain is in gear because that causes a whole host of other problems!

Recently I had my first taste of slightly older children not playing nicely with him.  I hugged him and let him cry and then he went back to playing on his own.  Later, I had to watch as he played again with the others, knowing they were teasing a little although he was oblivious.  And I wanted to roar like a lioness and whisk my three year old away.

But I didn't because it wasn't rational.  And it was part of my own journey in letting go, letting my children fall and picking them back up again.  If they want the help.

If we don't let our children experience real life with the safety of our arms to run to, then they won't learn to deal with their emotions and experiences in a healthy way.
I don't want them to expect me to call their boss when their work is corrected or be incapable of standing up  to injustice because they've always had me to do it for them.

I don't want them finding UNHEALTHY ways of dealing with emotional pain because they've never had to: either because I make them stuff it down or because I've fixed a problem before it gets near them.
But my oldest is three and I haven't faced even 1% of what's coming so all I can do is remind myself of my own philosophy and Stephanie's blog post and brace myself for what's to come!